


Love Despite

by reginahalliwell



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s04e13 Nag Hammadi is Where They Found the Gnostic Gospels, F/M, Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 08:19:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14016138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reginahalliwell/pseuds/reginahalliwell
Summary: "You don’t love because: you love despite; not for the virtues, but despite the faults.” William FaulknerYet another fix-it for "Nag Hammadi is Where They Found the Gnostic Gospels" in which Jess is slightly more mature and Rory slightly more open to reconciliation.





	Love Despite

If you looked up “fight or flight” on Wikipedia, there would be a single picture of Jess Mariano.

Seriously, the boy’s coping mechanisms were pretty much limited to beating people up or running away, sometimes both. Unlike Rory, whose ways of dealing with weird, abrupt, or otherwise alarming situations were usually to freeze or chatter through her panic.

It’s no wonder their relationship burned hot and then fizzled quickly. The passion, the chemistry, the dare-they-admit-it love between them did nothing to prevent the chaos of two completely different people coping with teenage angst, raging hormones, and the insanity of Stars Hollow.

It wasn’t just him, though. Rory’s ability to deal with major conflicts—especially related to academia and the future—was shoddy at best. That happens when school is easy and you don’t have to try or face rejection.

Rory was used to everything working out, and Jess was used to the world being against him.

And now, when their lives finally brought them together again, in the artifice of Stars Hollow’s most romantic festival, it was Jess who put his foot in his mouth and Rory who ran away.

But in that moment, that stillness when Jess’s “I love you” was out there in the ether, while Jess desperately hoped it would be enough and Rory thought about how long it had been since that bus ride, they both grew up a little.

Rather than running, Jess stood there, his breath visible in the chill winter air, desperation shining in his eyes. Rory’s shock fixed her in place, unsure of how she felt about the declaration. They had said no such words when they were together, but the fact that Rory had found herself becoming closer to sexual intimacy with him said she had at some point felt the same.

She hadn’t wanted to be _that girl_ , the one who waited and wasted her life living for her boyfriend. She hadn’t wanted to, but she had become the girl who let her boyfriend mistreat her—who didn’t stand up for herself and what she wanted. And when she did, it put too much pressure on him and he fled.

Now, a year later and perhaps not that much wiser, here they were. Both unattached. Rory, a college girl struggling with the first academic difficulty of her life, and Jess, the disaffected nomad who had come home again.

He left an open wound, something that his silent phone call hadn’t healed. Rory had no closure. Jess was perhaps none the wiser for having switched coasts and gotten to know his father.

And yet here they both were, staring at each other again with the same look in their eyes that had shown Dean where Rory’s heart lay.

With those three small words, Jess had re-opened the wound. In Rory’s defensiveness, she had put up a good front, but it wasn’t anger she felt any more. She felt loss for the relationship that could have been, the year apart they had spent. She felt empathy for Jess’s situation, for his deadbeat father and his off-the-wall mother, both of whom had come back into his life even though Luke had clearly been the only guardian to really care for him.

He didn’t move. She didn’t speak. 

Of all the things she had played through him saying if ever the opportunity came up, this wasn’t one of them.

“Say it again,” Rory demanded, hoping hearing it a second time would give her more clarity on how it made her feel.

Jess rubbed his forehead, cleared his throat, and sighed. He looked back at her, still feet between them. “I love you.”

“Is that supposed to make up for the year you were gone, leaving me without a goodbye?”

Jess was silent. He knew there was nothing that could ever make up for that.

“I wrote you letters,” he said instead. He turned briefly to his car, once he was sure she wouldn’t run away (he was very aware of the irony), setting the money in the driver’s seat and then pulling something out of his bag in the passenger foot well. When he turned around, he produced a messy stack of papers, held together with a clip. Some were in envelopes and others looked like they were written on scrap paper.

“Why?” Why didn’t he send them? Why did he _write_ them? She thought of her own flight, when she spent the summer in Washington after kissing him, starting letter after letter before trashing each one. He had gotten defensive when she came back to find him with Shane, and he was right to be. She hadn’t given him any indication of her feelings, or even that she was alive. He hadn’t waited around.

A simple shrug gave her no answer, but when Jess reached his hand out to her to give her the stack of letters, at least a few dozen by the looks of it, she took them. Stepping back, Rory asked, “How long will you be in town?”

His hands found his front pockets, his shoulders forming a shrug, and Jess’s posture became one quite familiar to Rory.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked. He didn’t have any real plans, just to come get what was his, thanks to Liz’s tip about Luke stealing his car. Thinking back, Jess couldn’t believe he didn’t figure it out back then.

After a long minute, in which Rory glanced down at the letters in front of her, she looked back up and said honestly, “I don’t know. Do you want to leave?”

“I never want to leave you, Rory.” He looked embarrassed as he said it, but he clearly meant it.

“But you did, and I’m assuming something in these letters will explain why?” she asked, more bite in her voice than she meant. She knew how hard last year had been for him, but that didn’t excuse the way he had dealt with it.

“I’ll be around. Liz and her boyfriend are visiting Luke, so I’ve been roped into hanging out with them. I might be able to convince Luke to let me crash with him for a bit.”

“Well, if you’re still here when I finish reading these, then maybe we can talk.”

“I can live with that.” He had to. He had completely screwed up and the chances of her forgiving him were pretty much nonexistent.

“Okay, then.”

They both stood there frozen for a minute. He had run from her all week, and she had run from him just now, and here they were at the very awkward end of a very uncomfortable conversation.

“So, I’m gonna—”

“Yeah, I’ll—”

“I, okay, yeah—”

Jess cleared his throat again and backed away towards his car. When he started it up and slowly headed back to Luke’s, Rory finally turned and walked away, preparing herself to read the letters.

~

_~~Dear Rory,~~ _

_~~Rory,~~ _

~~I’m sorry.~~

~~I wasn’t going to graduate. I screwed up and skipped out too many days.~~

The paper had clearly been crumpled up and thrown away at some point, and then spread flat again and included in the stack.

~ 

_Dear Rory,_

_My dad is a mess. I’ve been working at this bookstore on Venice Beach where he lives with Sasha and her daughter Lily. Sasha and Jimmy clearly don’t want me here (surprise), but Lily’s cool. She’s like a mini-Rory, hiding in closets to read. She reminds me of you, which makes me feel even worse and miss you more, but I guess I deserve that. I’m the guy who left._

_The bookstore job isn’t bad, but the kooks around Venice Beach are weird compared to Brooklyn or Stars Hollow, which is saying something. I don’t know, it’s better than working at Jimmy’s hot dog stand. Food service really isn’t my calling, you know._

_Well, neither is customer service, but I get a discount on the books I don’t outright steal (that’s a joke), and it’s better than driving a forklift in a blue vest._

_~~Love,~~ _

_Jess_

~

Books to talk about with Rory

_A Riot of Our Own_

_The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime_

_Everything is Illuminated_

_The Remains of the Day_

_A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius_

~

_Dear Rory,_

_I wish I had a better excuse for leaving the way I did. I know we didn’t really talk before I left, after the thing at Kyle’s. I did know better than that, and I know I screwed everything up. We were heading in that direction, but I didn’t really expect it to happen that way. I panicked. Sex is something I’m good at, and I didn’t have the words to say how much I was sorry, so I relied on the one kind of communication in which I’m pretty well versed._

_~~Your sad boy~~ _

_Jess_

~

_Rory,_

_I wanted to say something back when you told me you might have loved me. I loved you too, I still do, and I’m sorry for everything. I don’t know what else to say._

_Jess_

~

_Rory,_

_I love you._

_I hope you still love me. If you ever did. I know I don’t make it easy._

_Jess_

~

_Rory,_

_There’s this great park nearby that’s just a little off the boardwalk. It reminds me of Washington Square Park, and it’s just about the only thing here that does remind me of home. Not home, I guess. Stars Hollow became home because of you._

_I read there most days, when I’m not advising Lily on what she should be reading next. That kid has a lot going against her with Jimmy as a step-dad, so I’m trying to help with her education (I realize the irony). Sasha’s not so bad, except for the passive-aggressive questions about how long I’ll be here. I never have a good answer._

_I think a lot about that day you came to visit me in New York. I wish you could come visit me here, but not only do you not know where I am, I’m sure you never want to see me again._

_I’m shit at goodbyes._

_Jess_

~

_Rory,_

_I’ve been feeling particularly nostalgic with my reading choices lately, so I opened up Howl, but then I thought of you and the copy I stole to write in the margins. I miss you._

_~~Dodger~~ _

_Jess_

_~_

_Rory,_

_I got my GED. I think you would have been proud of me. I’m sorry I couldn’t take you to Prom. High school wasn’t my thing, but I should have tried harder for you. There’s no dance at the end of taking the GED exam. I can’t fix it. I wish more than anything that I could have taken you to that dance with Lane and Dave. They’re cool, and I wanted to make you happy._

_You deserve so much more than what I gave you. You deserve to be happy._

_Jess_

~ 

_Rory,_

_I should have talked to you._

_I should have gone to school._

_I screwed everything up, and I can’t take it back._

_I don’t deserve your forgiveness._

~

When Rory looked up from the sample of unsent letters, she wasn’t sure how she felt. It didn’t make it better. If he had sent any of these, she didn’t even know if that would have made it better. 

But seeing what Jess had written, that he had brought all the way across the country, even though he didn’t think some of it really mattered or was worth reading… it was something, at least.

Trying to imagine what he was thinking as he wrote these, even though they weren’t dated and were probably out of order and were also a bit repetitive, it was still something.

Was she more mature than six months ago? It seemed like Jess was. She had a new haircut. Isn’t that what people did when there were big life changes? Change their hair. 

She wasn’t the same Rory as when he left. She didn’t think that things would be the same now. She wouldn’t wait around, and let him treat her so poorly. Wait? Was she really playing “what if”?! That meant she was actually considering forgiving him. Oh boy.

If Jess was willing to talk, though, that was at least something. She could listen. It didn’t mean she was ready to let him back into her life, let alone her heart or her pants.

Rory’s resolve strengthened as she walked to Luke’s. Luke looked up at her when she walked in, uncertain of the tone of the visit. “Is he up there?” she asked.

“Rory, you don’t have to—” he started. 

“Is he up there, Luke? I’ll be okay.”

With a resigned sigh, Luke nodded, and then grabbed the coffeepot to refill mugs around the diner as Rory climbed the stairs to the apartment just like she had innumerable times last year.

~

Rory knocked on the glass panel that read Williams Hardware - Office - Private, waiting outside as she heard shuffling inside the apartment. “Coming,” Jess’s voice resonated from inside. He opened the door abruptly, a look on his face that said he was surprised to see her there. (Who else would have been knocking at the door?) 

“So,” Jess said, no real directions to his words. “Come in,” he beckoned, opening the door wider for her to enter.

She hovered just inside the door for a minute, looking around at the place that had housed many a makeout session between the two of them. She saw Jess’s bed, decided against that direction, then the couch, and a particularly vibrant memory of the two of them there made her decide against heading that way as well. Instead, she moved towards the kitchen table directly ahead.

Jess moved quietly behind her, following her as though at a moment’s notice he was afraid he might set her off and find her running away. He was walking on eggshells in ways he never had with her, so desperate was he to have this conversation. Jess was never the one to insist on talking, but here they were. 

Rory sat at the long end of the table, leaving Jess to decide between sitting across from her or at the short end next to her. She pulled out the messy stack she had brought with her, spreading them across the table.

He sat at the table’s short end, allowing him to still see her through the veil of his hair or out of his peripheral vision without looking directly at her.

Rory sighed, and they sat in silence for long moments.

“Your hair’s shorter,” Jess observed as a way of breaking the ice.

“Yours is longer,” Rory responded, just as shortly.

Since nothing else was brought up, Jess just said quietly, “I like it.”

“I’m not sure about it. But it was time for a change. And it’ll grow back out pretty quickly,” she finished. 

More silence.

“So, you were in Venice Beach?” Rory asked, “With your dad?”

He nodded, eyes wandering as he found something on his shirt to pick at.

“Why did you leave there? Did they kick you out, or are you going to drive your car all the way back there now?” 

“Sasha was getting pretty sick of me, even though she had a built-in babysitter for Lily while I was there. And I got enough out of Jimmy to know that I wasn’t missing much.”

“That bad, huh?”

“About what you’d expect. It was fine. I didn’t think there would be some magical father-son reunion, I mean, the guy left me before I was even out of diapers. But he wasn’t too bad. Runs a hot dog stand on the boardwalk. He’s doing his thing, which is fine. I just don’t know why he decided to come back into my life and screw with me.”

That was the most Jess had said in a long while to Rory, his letters aside, and there was a moment of quiet as Rory absorbed his words.

“Lily seems cool. I’m glad there was someone on your level to talk about books with." 

“Yeah, well, it was more me educating her, but she’ll be a bonafide Rory Gilmore in a few years.”

“I saw the book list you wrote.”

“Yeah, it was just a way for me to remember things that I wanted to talk to you about. There was a music list at some point too, but I think it got lost.”

“I did read a couple of those,” Rory admitted.

Jess nodded. “I figured.”

“I discovered this cool place in New Haven that I think you’d like. It’s a café and a bookstore and they don’t mind if you sit there all day reading and drinking coffee, even if you haven’t bought the books.”

“Not as cool as the Book Barn, though, right?”

“Nothing is as great as the Book Barn.” The main barn in Niantic was the date location for them on multiple occasions, always with a surprise in store in the form of an old edition, a new discovery, or an inquisitive cat.

They were both quiet for a minute remembering some of the great times they had at the Book Barn, a simpler time when the drama of their lives didn’t interfere with their passion for reading or each other.

“Still, this place is right by the Yale campus, but not a ton of students go there, so it’s usually quiet and I don’t have to worry about Paris finding me there.”

“Paris is at Yale?” he asked, grimacing.

“We’re roommates. She bribed the housing director. It was quite a surprise.”

“And not a fun one,” Jess said, smirking.

“Come on, she’s not that bad. That night we had dinner and talked Austen and Bukowski, that was a good night." 

“I didn’t say she’s not good for a literary debate. I just wouldn’t want to deal with that voice 24/7.”

“I found some really good noise-cancelling headphones.”

“A wise investment.”

“Yeah.”

“Jess,” Rory started, realizing that they were both putting off the inevitable.

“Rory,” he cut her off. “The way I see it, there’s only a few ways this could go. Either you want me out of your life and don’t want to forgive me so we’re just wasting our time here, or you want to forgive me but you don’t think you can, or you want me back in your life and you think you _might_ be able to forgive me. I get that I have pretty much nothing going for me here, so I’d understand if you never want to see me again, or if you think what I’ve done is unforgivable. Just tell me, and I’ll do whatever you want.” 

“Do _you_ want to get back together?” Rory asked, feeling stupid. But she wanted it out in the open. And she wanted to hear him say _it_ again. 

“I love you, Rory. I’ve loved you since—I don’t know, maybe since the first time I saw you, and I know I fucked up, but yeah, I want to be with you. Whatever that means, I want you in my life.”

“Okay, then. It’s not option number one. I want you in my life too. I don’t want you to disappear again on me.”

Jess nodded, relieved that she wasn’t trying to get rid of him completely. Now it just came down to whether she could forgive him.

“Then I won’t disappear.” 

“But I don’t know how to get back to the way we were, and I don’t know if I want to. You know, you were not the greatest boyfriend, and I was not the person I wanted to be when I was with you." 

Another nod. This was the hard part.

“So, what do you want? Do you want me to stay here with Luke, work at the diner and just be here in your life as that guy you sometimes have literary and music conversations with? Do you want me in New Haven as the townie who you sometimes grab coffee with? Do you want me to move back to New York or go to Philly or Hartford or something that’s not too far away but you don’t have to see on a regular basis?”

“I don’t know, Jess.”

“I’m trying here, Rory. I’ll do whatever. It’s not like I’m really tied down right now.”

“I just, I don’t want to be the only reason you’re here. I want you to do what _you_ want, I want you to have your own goals. I can’t be the only thing that makes you happy. That’s too much pressure on me, on us.”

“What if I worked at Andrew’s or found a job in New Haven at the library or something? I have a GED now so I’m at least minimally qualified for some things.”

“Would that make you happy?”

“More than driving a forklift would,” he muttered. “Yeah, I mean, probably. I was thinking of writing, but that doesn’t really pay the bills.”

“You _should_ write!”

“Maybe,” he said. “It’s just something I’ve been thinking about. I don’t know. I still need a job. And a non-shitty place to live.”

“Well, if you do want to stay here, I’m sure Luke would let you stay with him again.”

“Maybe. How often are you in Stars Hollow?” Jess asked, his motivations obvious.

“Some weekends, all summer, and occasionally during the week if I have emergency laundry needs. Fridays are still in Hartford for Friday Night Dinners with the Gilmores, but besides that I’m mostly in New Haven.”

Jess nodded. “So I’d only get to see you when you come home to see your mom or do laundry.”

“You’ve crashed my laundry night before, and I think I could get my mom to come around eventually. The only thing with here is – well, you know." 

“What, Dean? He still here?”

“Yeah, but he’s married. But you would have to see him occasionally.” 

“I can control myself if he can.”

“Well, that might be a good temporary situation then. New Haven isn’t exactly the best place to be if you don’t have to. And you could maybe still come see me during the week if I’m not super busy.”

Jess accepted this understandingly, awed that the conversation had even gone in this direction.

“So, just to be sure we’re not getting ahead of ourselves,” Jess said, “You _might_ be able to forgive me, but we need to build up trust again. So I would stay here and endure the torture of small town charm while you’re at Yale, and we might be able to see each other occasionally, _if_ you decide you can forgive me. And in the meantime I will be here hopefully working at a place I don’t completely hate and trying to write.”

“Right,” Rory said. “I can’t be that girl again, Jess. The girl who sits around waiting for her boyfriend to call, and has him be her whole world. I need to trust you, but I also need to not lose _me_. So yeah, I think maybe only seeing each other occasionally might be good.”

“So it’s like a test,” Jess offered.

“I don’t see it that way, but yeah, I guess. I need to know that you’ll stick around, and actually communicate with me, and care about things not just because they might help get you into my pants.”

Jess cringed. “I get it.”

“And I have a life, you know. I’m taking five classes, and it’s overwhelming, and there’s all this new stuff at college that I never even knew about. So I haven’t just been sitting around pining for you. You hurt me, but I’ve been trying to move on. I need you to know that.”

“I do.”

“Okay, then.”

“So, what next?”

“Well, you should probably talk to Luke, and to Andrew if that’s where you want to work. I can give him a reference if you need one…you’ll probably need one. And you should get a cell phone. And give me the number. And actually tell me about your life, even when—no, especially when—things aren’t going well.”

She was getting out of breath, building up steam with her suggestions and requests.

“And even then, I don’t know how I’ll be able to trust you. I mean, you weren’t the most forthcoming even at our best.”

Jess was quiet for a minute. He thought about how he might rebuild her trust in him again. He didn’t know if such a thing was even possible. He wasn’t a talker, he didn’t _share_ things about his life. With anyone, really.

“Okay, so you know about the Prom thing. I skipped out on school to work extra shifts at Walmart. I lied to you about that, told you I was still going. The night of Kyle’s party, I was upset because I just found out I had to redo senior year, couldn’t get you Prom tickets, couldn’t graduate, couldn’t make it up in summer school. I didn’t say anything about it because I wanted to do this one thing for you, to take you to the Stars Hollow Prom, and I couldn’t even do that. The day on the bus I was leaving because my dad came to visit, and Luke knew about it, and he knew about Walmart and school and we had a big blow up and he kicked me out. And I could have come to you and you would have Rory Gilmore’d it and fixed everything, but I didn’t. I was ashamed, and upset, and felt like a failure, and I just left.” He stopped to catch his breath.

“Jess, you don’t need to—”

“And the night I came to your grandmother’s house for dinner, and was late, with a black eye, it wasn’t because I got into a fight with Dean, or that a football hit me. It was a swan. You can laugh all you want—Luke certainly did, but that’s the truth. What really happened. And I hid it from you because who would believe that? I felt like an idiot and then I knew I wasn’t good enough and your grandmother was going to hate me anyway so I just screwed it up even further.”

“A swan?” she asked confusedly.

“A swan. I was reading at the bridge, you know, and I must have pissed it off or gotten near a nest or something, because it beaked me right in the eye. It’s too dumb to make up, Rory, believe me.”

“Oh, I believe you.”

Jess stared at her, bewildered. “You do?”

“Of course. Setting aside for the moment that Taylor, Kirk, and even my mother have had run-ins with swans, they’re known for being particularly aggressive and territorial. And if you had told me it was a swan, I would have laughed and then had my mother tell you the trick she learned for dealing with them.”

“Your mother has a trick for dealing with asshole swans?”

“Well, yeah. Apparently there are a few at the club my grandparents go to, and when she was little and would sit by the pond waiting for them to finish golfing, she had to deal with some particularly nasty swans. I’ve never had any issues with them here, but once Taylor tried to have all the swans relocated to Woodbury after he got beaked checking on construction for one of the bridges."

“You’re kidding.”

She gave him a look and he shook his head. “Wow. Well, I should have told you, if only because it might have made things better with your grandmother.”

“Oh, that was never going to go well. I shouldn’t have made you come. My grandfather, sure. You two would get along alright. Just bring up books and you’re in. But no one is good enough for me in my grandmother’s eyes.”

“Not even Dean?”

“Especially not Dean. You should have seen it when he brought me the car he built me. My grandfather made Gypsy check it dozens of times before he would let Dean give it to me. And the dinner where they met him? A pretty hostile interrogation. At least my grandmother _pretended_ to be polite to you.”

“Well, that’s better, then.”

“Jess, their approval was never the goal. I just wanted you to try to make a good impression. That you cared enough to try was all I ever wanted." 

“I care enough to try now,” he said.

“Well, not that I’m going to sic the Gilmores on you any time soon, but that’s nice to hear.”

“I want this to work, Rory. I really do love you. Whatever that means. I don’t exactly have the best role models for that, but I want to make you happy. I wanna try. I can’t promise I’ll be perfect, but I can’t just let you go.”

“I want to try too. I can’t promise anything either, but we’ll try.”

This portion of the conversation seems to be finished, leaving them both uncertain as to how to move forward. 

“So, do we… are we…” he sighed. “What are we, Rory? When I see you, do we hug? Kiss? Nod? Shake hands? How do we do this?”

In a scarily accurate reenactment of a similar situation the year before, Rory took the lead this time. “Well, I think we should get a little closer, or warm up.”

Jess nodded, reaching tentatively across the short table space between them to take her hand in his. Her fingers were warm and clammy, a testament to how nervous and uncertain she had been for this entire conversation. She grasped his fingers back, twining together as their physical chemistry took hold again.

With her other hand, Rory reached out to touch Jess’s chest, bracing herself against him as she leaned forward, head leaning slightly as she went in for a kiss.

Their mouths touched, first very gently and briefly. A close-mouthed kiss to test the waters. Rory’s hand relaxed against Jess’s chest, her fingers pressed gently against his sternum. She moved again, looking him in the eyes as she went in for another kiss. This time, the electricity between them couldn’t be contained, and Jess lost himself for a moment as he pulled Rory up from her seat to hold her to him, his free hand moving to clasp her waist, her hand running through his hair, learning how the longer length felt moving against her fingers.

Jess pulled away first, his mouth ruddy and eyes bright. Rory looked similarly shaken.

“Well, at least we know that part still works,” Jess observed, more confidently than he felt.

Rory looked dizzy. “It’s everything else we have to figure out.”

“Worth it,” Jess observed.

“Definitely,” Rory agreed, leaning in for another kiss. As their mouths touched, the door crashed open, and Luke stormed in, clearly concerned that Rory was still up there. 

The two were startled, and turned to look at him. “Everything’s fine, Luke,” Rory said, her face a bright red shade in her embarrassment.

“Yeah,” Jess cleared his throat, equally embarrassed. “Rory was just leaving.”

She turned back to him and kissed him briefly before heading towards the door. “Thanks for checking on me, Luke,” she said, “Mom and I’ll see you tomorrow." 

Turning back to Jess, she asked, “See you?”

He nodded. “I’ll be the one serving coffee.”

Luke watched this exchange with confusion. Rory continued down the stairs and Luke turned to Jess. “What the hell is going on?” he asked.

Jess smiled and ran a hand through his hair. “Mind if I stay here for a while? Rory might just give me another chance.”

“You’re kidding." 

“Apparently not,” Jess said, wiping his mouth with his hand and grabbing the book he had set down on the armchair when Rory knocked. “I’ll help open in the morning, if you want. Then I need to go talk to Andrew about a job. If you think you can spare me, that is.” 

Luke’s expression was half bewilderment, half pride. “Yeah, sure. You serious, Jess? You’re back?”

“Looks that way.”

“Well I’ll be damned.” Luke turned to go, shaking his head and smiling all the way down the stairs.

~

Rory and Lorelai’s walk to Luke’s in the morning was as odd as might be expected.

“And you’re sure about this, kid?”

“I’m sure.”

“You’re sure you’re sure?”

“I’m sure I want to give him a chance. I don’t know what will happen, but I have to try.”

“He screwed up big time, Rory. He doesn’t deserve a chance. Do you remember how upset you were all of this past year? I mean, he broke your heart. He left, didn’t even say goodbye. And he didn’t exactly treat you right before that.”

“I know. And it might happen again. I know that. But I think I love him, Mom.”

“Oh boy.”

“Yeah, so I can’t just let it go. If he’s really willing to try, then I should be too. Just give him a chance.”

“I don’t know, Rory. I feel like I shouldn’t let this happen.” 

“Mom, come on. I might get my heart broken again, I know that. But I’d rather have that happen than not try at all. I don’t want to regret not trying.”

“Damn it, when did you get so wise?” 

“I’m a college girl now, wise beyond my years.”

“I knew there was a reason for all that learning.”

“Yup, I’m going to Yale solely for the love advice I’ve gotten.”

“Well, it ought to be the best in the country for what we’re paying for it.”

“What Grandma and Grandpa are paying for it, you mean?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Just, don’t go out of your way to be mean to him, please. He’s really going to try, and he’s already going to be tortured by pretty much everyone else in Stars Hollow. You don’t have to be a friendly face, just be a neutral face.”

Lorelai huffed. “Fine. But I reserve the right to mock him privately, and to go full Momzilla on him at the first sign of 2003 Jess.”

“I would expect nothing less. Thank you.”

“Alright, kid, let’s do this.” Lorelai opened up the door to Luke’s Diner, and as the bell chimed to announce their entrance, Rory looked up to see Jess behind the counter, a pen behind his ear and a book in his pocket, with a pot of coffee in his hand. She caught his eye and smiled, and as she and Lorelai chose their normal table and sat down, Jess walked over with the coffee and two mugs.

Setting them down, he poured a cup for each of them. “Hey, Lorelai,” he greeted with a nod. To Rory, he gave a smile, and then hesitantly leaned down to kiss her on the cheek.

“Hello, Jess,” Lorelai responded after Rory elbowed her. “So, you’re back.”

“That I am,” he responded, setting down the coffeepot and pulling out his order pad and removing the pen from behind his ear.

“Breakfast?” he asked. “It’s on me today.”

“Wow, bribing us with food and coffee. He _does_ want to get back on your good side, daughter.”

“He knows us too well,” Rory added dramatically.

Jess rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “Pancakes? Eggs? Bacon?” he asked, each suggestion lighting up Rory and Lorelai’s eyes.

They glanced at each other. “Yes to all,” Rory agreed. 

“Why am I surprised?” Jess smiled as he turned to put their order in, topping off their coffees before he took the pot away.

“Alright, alright,” Lorelai conceded. “I’ll be nice.”

“Wow, you’re easy.”

“What, like it took more than a kiss to get you to agree? At least I’m getting food out of this.”

“Like Luke ever makes us pay anyway.”

“Eh, it’s the thought that counts.”

“I told you he’s trying.”

“We both are,” Rory said, looking over at Jess, hoping they could make it work. No freezing, running, no defensiveness, no going incommunicado, just a second chance and a knowledge of each other's faults.          

 

 

 


End file.
